Thursday, November 22, 2012

So here i am. alone on thanksgiving again deciding between pizza or chinese takeout.

This month has been a most harrowing one. Due to the carelessness of my building's postman, i had to mail back my disability check (I forget what SSI stands for plus I am feeling much too lazy to go check) because it was ruined by his carelessness. Also throw in the fact that i will NOT be retroactively paid since August.

I've had some lapses due to my abilify & wellbutrin and vyvanse failing. I swear I'm going to need at least 1500mg by the end of this year.

I was given a gamestop gift card and with it I purchased an Xbox 360 and several games. The drawback is that the games are so emotionally overwhelming, my ADHD (or the Buzz as I can call it)gets pissed. There's just too much to space to go all over and explore. they're too big for me and it frustrates me to no end. What's especially frustrating is that a vampire hunting game I got isn't recognized by the system. Let's hope I can get an exchange on that. Maybe i'll sell the system.

I've reached out to the Detroit-ex and much to my surprise she's responded and was well aware that I was not in control of my faculties when we split (hence my purging of over 100 people from FB, the nasty flame war I got into with someone from college when she got pissed I could callously delete people so quickly, and various other bipolar related incidents). i won't lie. i missed her greatly.

And I'm spent. I didn't do much today. I played a little bit of xbox, I went to Duane Reade to get some toiletries and a bag of chips. What am I going to do for Thanksgiving? Have Chinese food. My mom doesn't celebrate it so she's visiting a friend in the hospital. She doesn't celebrate it anymore ever since my dad died on the 25th 6 years ago. I hate my life. I hate how I'm struggling in finding meaningful work. I hate this diabetes. I'm still struggling in trying to learn how to control it. i hate my fucking life.